1,289 words, 7 minutes read time.
They called me Saul, and I was proud of that name.
I was a man of discipline, of conviction, of lineage and law. A Hebrew of Hebrews. Born in Tarsus, raised in Jerusalem. Circumcised on the eighth day, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Pharisee by training and by blood. I wasn’t just another student of the Scriptures—I was a rising authority. Trained under Gamaliel himself. I knew the Law. I breathed it in. I bled it out.
And I hated the followers of that man—Jesus.
I hated them because I thought God hated them.
I told myself I was defending holiness. That I was purging corruption. That I was standing with the Almighty. But I was wrong. Deeply, tragically wrong. I hated the people I thought God hated, and I was wrong.
To me, they were a threat. Not just to the temple, not just to the priesthood, but to the sacred covenant we’d held for generations. They were rebels, infecting the synagogue with wild ideas of resurrection and grace, speaking of this crucified carpenter as if he were the Messiah.
It sickened me.
I gave everything to the cause of righteousness. I gave my mind, my strength, my future. And when the time came to give my wrath, I gave that too. With joy.
When Stephen stood before the council, filled with zeal, filled with blasphemy—yes, that’s what I thought it was—I watched as they dragged him out. I held the coats. I watched him die, rocks shattering bone, his eyes turned upward. “Lord, do not hold this sin against them,” he said.
Even then, I felt a tremor inside me. But I buried it.
You see, I believed I was saving Israel. I told myself that zeal for the Law was the same as love for God. I convinced myself that violence in service to holiness was no sin at all. I justified every arrest, every threat, every bruise I caused in His name. My name.
When the high priest offered letters—authority to hunt these people down even beyond Jerusalem—I took them without hesitation. I set my eyes on Damascus.
I remember the road. It was dry, hot, endless. I remember the certainty in my heart. I was proud. Important. Armed with purpose. Then came the light.
It wasn’t lightning. It wasn’t the sun. It was as if the sky opened and the full weight of glory poured through. It didn’t strike me—it swallowed me. I hit the ground like a dead man, my face in the dirt, my thoughts vaporized.
Then Jesus, the one I despised, spoke.
“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”
Those words tore through me. Not “why are you persecuting my people.” Not “my church.” He said me. I was shaking. “Who are you, Lord?” I asked, though in my gut, I already knew.
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.”
And just like that, the fight left me.
I saw nothing—nothing but darkness. The men with me led me by the hand. A proud man reduced to a blind beggar, stumbling into the very city I’d planned to conquer. I didn’t eat. I didn’t speak. For three days, I sat with my failure.
I had spilled innocent blood. I had hunted lambs in the name of God. What kind of man does that? What kind of man convinces himself he’s holy while his hands drip with sin?
I thought I was doing God’s will. But I was defending my own kingdom. My own sense of control. My pride wore a priest’s robe, but it was pride all the same.
In Damascus, a man named Ananias came to me. I could hear the fear in his voice, but also something else—compassion. He placed his hands on me and said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you—has sent me that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”
Brother.
He called me brother.
The very people I tried to destroy were now the ones reaching out to me. And when he prayed, something like scales fell from my eyes. I saw the room. I saw his face. I saw my past—laid bare.
I was baptized that day. Not just in water, but in mercy.
I wanted to disappear after that. I wanted to run into the desert and forget who I’d been. But He had other plans.
He told me I would suffer for His name. That I would carry His message to Gentiles, kings, and my own people. And suffer I did. Beaten. Imprisoned. Betrayed. Mocked. Hunted. I had been the hunter—now I was the prey.
But I no longer feared it. Because for the first time in my life, I wasn’t working for God—I was walking with Him.
You may hear my story and think, “Well, Paul, you were a religious extremist. I’m not that bad.” But listen—my problem wasn’t religion. My problem was self-righteousness. Pride dressed up as purpose. Maybe yours is dressed as freedom. Maybe it’s wrapped in success, or bitterness, or pain.
But make no mistake—we’re all on the road to Damascus, whether we see it or not. You live long enough, and eventually you will be knocked down. And when you’re lying there, vision gone, strength gone, and all your cleverness stripped away, you will hear a voice. Gentle. Piercing.
And everything will change.
You don’t have to be good enough. I wasn’t. You don’t have to clean yourself up first. I didn’t. You just have to stop kicking against the goads and listen.
He asked me, “Why are you persecuting me?” And I realized, I wasn’t fighting rebels—I was fighting God Himself. Out of ignorance. Out of arrogance. But He forgave me.
He forgave me.
I don’t tell this story to make you feel guilty. I tell it because I want you to know: if He can redeem a man like me, there’s no one too far gone.
Your past doesn’t scare Him. Your doubts don’t surprise Him. The things you’ve done in secret? He already knows—and He’s still calling your name.
I was sure I was right. I was convinced I saw the truth. But I was blind until Jesus knocked me to the ground and gave me real vision. And I’ve never seen the world the same way since.
Now I go by Paul. Not to erase who I was, but to remember who I became.
And everything I once thought was gain—I count it as loss, compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Him.
So I ask you: Are you still holding on to your version of righteousness?
Or are you ready to be knocked down… so you can finally stand?
Sources
- Acts 9 – The Conversion of Saul (Bible Gateway)
- Acts 22 – Paul’s Testimony Before the Crowd
- Acts 26 – Paul’s Testimony Before Agrippa
- GotQuestions.org – What happened at Paul’s conversion?
- Bible Study Tools – The Road to Damascus Story
- Overview Bible – Who Was Paul the Apostle?
- Desiring God – The Conversion of Saul (John Piper)
- J. Vernon McGee Commentary on Acts (Blue Letter Bible)
- Ligonier Ministries – Saul’s Conversion
- Crosswalk – Lessons from Paul’s Conversion
- The Gospel Coalition – Essay on Paul the Apostle
- Britannica – Biography of Saint Paul
- Bible Hub – Commentary on Acts 9:1
- GotQuestions – Who was Job in the Bible?
- Job 38 – God Speaks to Job (for voice tone reference)
Disclaimer:
The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author. The information provided is based on personal research, experience, and understanding of the subject matter at the time of writing. Readers should consult relevant experts or authorities for specific guidance related to their unique situations.