1,084 words, 6 minutes read time.
Introduction
I’ll shoot you straight: forgiveness is one of the hardest battles I’ve ever fought. I’m not talking about letting go of petty stuff — like somebody cutting me off in traffic or a friend forgetting my birthday. I mean real betrayal. The kind that tears open your chest, stomps on your trust, and leaves you angry enough to dream about payback.
Back in 2022, I got blindsided by someone I should’ve been able to trust. They ran straight to a governing body with a twisted story, full of lies designed to take me down. It wasn’t just gossip. It was a calculated strike that ripped through my reputation and left me trying to scrape together what was left of my good name.
I’ve cracked this door open before — in a devotion I wrote called “When Lies Break You: How to Heal, Find God’s Truth, and Reclaim Strength After Defamation & Gaslighting.” But here’s me being brutally honest: I still feel the sting. I still replay that betrayal. I still catch myself wanting to keep that grudge close, like a loaded weapon I might need later.
But holding onto bitterness doesn’t make me strong. It just makes me chained. And the longer I hold it, the heavier it gets. That’s why I’ve got to wrestle this down and see what God really says about forgiveness — not the watered-down churchy kind, but the gut-level, man-to-man truth.
Scripture
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
— Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)
Reflection
Jesus doesn’t dance around the issue here. He lays it out in plain, hard words: if I want God’s forgiveness, I have to extend forgiveness to others. That’s not a suggestion. That’s a line in the sand.
Let’s get real about what forgiveness is — and what it absolutely isn’t.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean pretending you’re not still bleeding from it. It doesn’t mean letting someone keep a front-row seat in your life, or trusting them again right away. Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. Trust has to be rebuilt — forgiveness is given.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean justice gets swept under the rug. It just means you’re handing the gavel over to God. You’re saying, “I trust You to settle this. I’m not going to let this eat me alive anymore.”
So what is it? Forgiveness is a deliberate choice to release the right to hold it against them. It’s refusing to let their sin keep poisoning you. It’s taking that bitterness out of your clenched fists and laying it at God’s feet, trusting Him to handle it.
And that’s hard. Because as men, we’re wired to fix things ourselves. To make it right. To settle the score. But God says, “That’s My job. You forgive, and I’ll handle the justice.”
If I’m honest, that feels unfair. But it’s also the only way to keep my soul from turning toxic. Because holding onto a grudge doesn’t protect me. It traps me. It keeps me living in the shadow of what was done to me, instead of stepping into the freedom God wants for me.
Application
If this is hitting you like a punch to the gut, good. It means you’re alive and God’s still working on you. Don’t stuff it down. Don’t pretend you’re over it if you’re not. Instead, start by getting brutally honest with God. Tell Him exactly how deep it cut, how mad you still are, and how you don’t even want to forgive.
Then ask Him to start prying your fingers off that grudge. That’s where I’m at. Some days it’s still a fight — because forgiveness doesn’t always happen in one clean moment. Sometimes it’s a choice you have to make over and over until your heart catches up.
If the old memories flare up, remind yourself that God has forgiven you of far worse. And if you need to, talk it out with a trusted brother who won’t let you sit in your bitterness, but will keep pushing you back to Jesus.
Prayer
Father, You know exactly how deep this wound goes. You’ve seen every bitter thought I’ve had, every dark wish for payback. I confess I’ve held onto this anger because it felt like power — but it’s just made me a prisoner. Help me, God. Give me the guts to lay this down at Your feet. I’m choosing to forgive, not because they deserve it, but because You forgave me first. Take this weight off my shoulders, heal my heart, and teach me how to walk in real freedom. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Closing Thoughts
Brother, I’m still in this fight right alongside you. I don’t have it all figured out. But I know grudges will break us long before they break the other guy. Don’t let that happen. Let God be the judge. Let Him give you the strength to forgive, even when every part of you wants revenge.
If this hit close to home, I’d love to hear your story. Drop a comment below, subscribe to the newsletter so we can keep walking this road together, or shoot me a message. Let’s keep each other honest and keep chasing the kind of strength that only comes through grace.
Sources
- Men and Forgiveness – Crosswalk
- Forgiveness in the Bible – Focus on the Family
- Forgiveness Isn’t a Feeling – Desiring God
- Bible Verses on Forgiveness – Bible Study Tools
- Why Men Struggle with Emotional Vulnerability – Christianity Today
- Why Men Find It Hard to Forgive – Christian Headlines
- Men and Forgiveness – The Navigators
- Concept of Forgiveness – BibleRef
- Christian Forgiveness – Got Questions?
- Why Should Christians Forgive? – Ligonier Ministries
- How to Forgive When It Hurts – Desiring God
- How to Forgive – Revive Our Hearts
- Men Struggle with Emotional Forgiveness – Barna
- Learning to Forgive – Challies
- Why Should I Forgive? – Grace to You
- Ephesians 4:31-32 – Bible Gateway
- The Power of Forgiveness – Focus on the Family
- Why Forgiveness Is Important – Christianity.com
- Greek Word Study: Forgiveness – Bible Hub
- Forgiveness Isn’t Just a Verb – The Gospel Coalition
- What the Bible Says About Forgiveness – Moody Ministries
- Christian Forgiveness – CBN
Disclaimer:
The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author. The information provided is based on personal research, experience, and understanding of the subject matter at the time of writing. Readers should consult relevant experts or authorities for specific guidance related to their unique situations.